No I ain't gonna drop on you a load of that self-help crap. My posts so far have reeked of philosophy. I have been accused of being too serious in what is supposed to be an innocuous blog.
I protested of course ...
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Me: " Blog implies random thought. And, besides this space is called 'life a muse' ..."
She: "Nobody likes sermons. And don't educate me on the raison d'etre of a blog. By doing so you are assuming that you're smarter. By doing so..."
... yackety yak yak ...
... more yackety yak yak ....
and then finally "Understood? 'Life a muse'. No".
Pause.
She: "Get a life - Amuse."
Pause again.
She: "Am I clear ?"
Me:"Crystal. Shall I dance ?"
Me: "Ouch".
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Anyways.
Each of us is proprietor to our little world. And we all bring to the table something that we can call our very own. (Wait! This isn't a sermon)
By this I'm also referring to idiosyncrasies. We all have our share of oddities.
I am drawing up a list of such weird habits that I have come across.
These are bona fide observations and may result in me being reduced to a pariah. But my friends are a understanding lot... ( I hope )
These are some quirks that I have come to live with.
* Some people like to wear shades. What's quirky about that ? Well, they are goggles and are worn to beat the glare of sunlight. Agreed. But why the hell do you need to wear them at night ?
* Some people like to crack thier knuckles. It's their way of announcing their arrival, readiness or of simply getting attention. Losers. But if you go beyond what they are showing you ... it is nervous energy released with irritating 'pops'. (I'm guilty as charged on this account)
* Some people wear their vests inside out. That way the manufacturer's tag is prevented from accomplishing it's chief objective - to irritate you. Just snip it and be rid of it dude !
* Some people snort while laughing. Well it's nice to know your joke was well received and a snort is a sure enough indicator that the amused object isn't faking it. But hell, a snort is a snort. Snort-a-doodle-do.
* And some people just snort. The air you inhale makes rounds in your diaphragm or something, drops the oxygen, picks up the carbon-di-oxide and heads out.
We all vent hot air into this world. We do. In some way or the other.
But what if the body refused a smooth exit. Well then some people just have to snort their way out. So while conversing with you they would go ...
"... So you think I'm lying .. (snort) .... I'm not .... (snort) ... If you look into my eyes ...(snort) ... you'll see ... (snort) ... that I meant every word ... (snort) ... I said."
It's hard to take someone seriously under these circumstances. You'll agree.
* Some people don't like chocolate. This one's headed for Ripley's believe it or not. How can anyone not like chocolate ? Maybe this dark brown thing reminds them of the time they were seduced by it.
* Some people bathe; get dressed and booted and then brush their teeth. ( "???" .... ya I know)
*Some people are inquisitive. What's wrong with that? Well, nothing. I'm all for the pursuit of knowledge. But it is disconcerting when you're asked after a movie
"Who was the director ?"
"Who was the actor?"
"He is married na ?" .... "This is his second marriage na?"
"Who was his first wife ?"
"Who is the cameraman ?"
Just kill me, damn it. Do it. Now.
* Some folks like to wear sweaters, jackets and cardigans. No matter what the weather. Nothing's wrong with that. We live in an unpredictable world. No harm in being prepared at all times.
Ya, ya I'm talking about myself.
You want some help in wiping that smile off your face ?
* Some people like to roll their sleeves up. It a way of showing to all concerned that you're ready for work. And if you push your sleeves up every now and then, then you surely have got the message across. A good habit this. (Ya, ya guilty again)
* Some girls like to pat. They like to place their palms on your hands every 47 seconds (You can check). Hell, I have no reason to complain and I admit I used to love it. But when the conversation moves on to some other guy and that creep is then treated to the same pleasure. You were the one she chose to bless minutes ago and now ...
"&#^~&$ " !!!
You undertstand. Your empathy means a lot to me.
You'll believe anything ;-)
* Gait Bait. But some people love attention. How else can you explain their need to drag their feet while walking ? You should all try this. And throw in extra large footwear for the effect. You are ensured of a unique background score to accompany you wherever you go.
I have a recurring nightmare where a giant amoeba is slithering towards me. I wonder why.
Help me ...
Please !
* Some people like sporting long nails. I confess. Women with long, painted nails turn me on. But, unpainted and long nails. Unacceptable. Why display, in all its ugliness, what your body wants you to do away with ? And if you want to hold on to it then give the manicurist some business. And yes, paint it.
Oh you did. Well then, "How are you doing ?"
Then there are guys who sport long nails. No comments here.
A variant of this sect is a bunch of guys who let the little finger of their left hand (ya it's got to be the left) get the privilege of displaying extra keratin. This special honour to an otherwise inconspicuous finger has an objective - To ease the clearing of their nasal canal. That wriggling little finger sure helps you get rid of that troublesome mucus.
An in order to reward a job well done, this nail is the only one that gets the honour of a paint job. Disgusting and easily me pet peeve.
